The vending machine is broken

Gotta git the kids to school

It’s the best day care around

Can’t go to work

Or they cut my welfare down.

Gotta git some money

So I go to the church

It feels kinda funny

But I’ve been through worse.

If I act like I’m am hurting

Wearing tattered clothes that I keep clean

And tell the preacher my man’s deserting

Maybe he’ll open the vending machine.

I’m squirming in my seat—it seems a little warm

But I go through the motions trying not to pout

Filled in all the blanks so I hand the man the form

I’ve played the came so the money comes out.

But it seems I’m getting nothing

It’s like someone pulled out the rug

The man looks at me and says,

The machine’s unplugged.

I start to panic and my eyes open wide

While he smiles and takes the Bible from the table

I want to git out or find a place to hide

The man says that the machine only enabled.

This is not the way I like it

I want to get my cash and go

Just a quick in and out—licitly split

But that’s all changed you know.

The rhythm’s not forced but natural

It’s not transactional in nature

Another person is connecting with me

Not just for now but for hereafter.

Preacher man’s talking living water and the bread of life as well

He’s not tempting me with heaven or scaring me with hell

But talking of this life in the here and now

How it could be lived more fully, would I like to know how?

My defenses kick in right away, longing for my vending machine

But I am challenged to live with purpose and not just for what pleases me.

I need to run for cover or just make a fast break for the door.

But my phone is on the table and my purse is on the floor.

Why is this so awkward—why so stinkin hard?

I wouldn’t even be here if I could get a credit card.

But the man just keeps on talking about giving my whole life to God

I’ll jump out through the window if he sings “Where the saints have trod.”

I just don’t want this connection—want to get my cash and go.

But the machine is not working, or so he tells me so.

But it is my disconnection that makes this so, so hard

The church has become the church again and not a credit card.

She has reclaimed her identity speaking truth in love again

Light and love and purpose trying to rescue me from sin

But I will have none of it, I will not fall for this sham

I am walking out that door right now, I’ll show them who I am.

But then I listened for but a moment and he tells me I am God’s child

That my Father loves me more than I deserve and I begin to cry

For though I came for money, I knew it wouldn’t last

When I finally listened I learned that I was not shackled by my past.

That in the name of Jesus, I was truly set free

Not from troubles of the world, but having to carry them you see

For this world will bring on its trouble and I’ll still have my part

But the words that reached to my core were the two that said, take heart!

If I get this bill paid somehow, I know that I will have more

I have not lived by God’s wisdom, haven’t even let it in the door

But in spite of all my troubles and beyond the height of all of my pain

I heard that Daddy loves me and I am ready to live again.

I thought I needed money when I came into the church

I thought the broken machine would leave me in the lurch

But somehow, someway, God’s way began to make some sense

When my eyes became wide open all I could do was repent.

For I know my Father loves me forever and even now

I know that I rejected him but he took that away somehow

And I know that I must seek his kingdom and also seek his ways

And leave the pity parties for those who remain blind unto this day.

I know that I am not alone, God’s Spirit walks with me.

And when I gather with some others, Jesus is there you see.

And the whole fellowship of believers welcomes me as their own

Now that I am connected, I never feel alone.

Somehow that billed got paid and I never knew by whom

Somehow my hurt has faded and my heart has lots of room

For Jesus and his family that took me in that day

I don’t want to go back the way I was now that I walk in his way.

This could have ended differently, I could have walked away

In fact that is just what I did, I can finally bring myself to say

I had come to see the preacher man to use his vending machine

When he told me it was broken, I left after making a big and bitter scene.

But an hour later as I approached the local store

Some kids were smiling and ran ahead of me to open up the door

And then they said God loves me and each gave me a big hug

Who are these kids who took my anger with a single heart’s tug?

Then before the day was over my neighbor came to see

If you can believe this, to see if all was well with me

We’ve only waved as we passed in the street and not spoken much before

But without thinking much about it, I opened up my door.

My heart was breaking and I was shaking why I didn’t know

I was in the safety of my own home, but surely wanted just to go

But here I was crying and talking and even opening up

I usually don’t get this way without some 90 proof in my cup.

But there it was all out and spoken, I readied for the worst

Here’s comes my judgment and my sentence, I am guilty in the first

Instead came mercy and kindness full of sincerity

In my tears I lost my blindness and knew that I was free.

I could not run away from God, he pursued me at every turn

Not so he could judge me and send me off to burn

But so that I would know his love and how deep and wide it is

And that in spite of all I’ve done, I am forever his.

I never heard a booming voice or saw a burning bush

His finger etched me no commandments—that would have been a rush

But in children and in neighbors and in the truth spoken in love

I felt my God’s Spirit come upon me as his descending Dove.

Now I am connected to the body, believers one and all

Though they all still have their troubles, some big and some ever so small

But we don’t throw pity parties, we pray and help and love

We encourage one another as brothers and sisters with Christ above.

I wonder what would have happened if the church had just paid my bill

I could have been smartly on my way living according to my own will

But I am thankful for the truth spoken to me full of love

And thankful for the fellowship I know now and will know some day above.