Tom with kids in Kuwait

Tom with kids in Kuwait
Tom with kids in Kuwait

Friday, April 7, 2017

Newest Oxymoron: Mainstream Media

It is 2017 and a new oxymoron has emerged.  It will join the ranks of jumbo shrimp, seriously funny, and act naturally.  What is it?

Mainstream Media


It seems that today’s media has abandon the truth, is not in the mainstream, and has found a home among the other oxymorons.  We can only hope and pray that it does not take up permanent residence there.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Herd of Angels

Herd of Angels

Cast:  2 men
Set:  Can be just about any place for casual conversation or can be set as a Sonic Drive-in commercial spoof with both sitting as in a car at the drive in.  The drive-in set permits cast member to conceal script notes on a makeshift dashboard.

For the drive-in spoof version, use these two additional lines:

Man 1   [Reaching into Man 2’s Sonic bag]:  These buy one get one wings are really great!  Especially the free part.
Man 2  Everything seems to be free for you every day.


You know how you told me that Christmas was not all about presents?
Yes
Understanding Christmas being all about presents was easier than what you church people are selling.
What?
Take that herd of Angels.
What herd of Angels?
Angels, we have a herd on high.  And they are singing sweetly over the plains as well.  A singing herd of angels, yeah right.
That’s not exactly…
Oh if that was all, then I would have thought nothing of it, but you guys promote lying.
We surely do not!
That little town of Bethlehem.  How still we see you lie!  It is 2016 and they are still singing about their lying.
You don’t understand the grammar and syntax of the verse.
Sin Tax!  I knew it.  They are just after your money.  But putting a tariff on transgressions, that takes the cake.
Can we get back to Christmas?
I don’t know why.  Emanuel and Gloria seem to have monopolized the whole business.  I don’t know who Gloria is, but if she doesn’t’ answer after the first 3 or 4 times you sing out her name, she is not going out with you so just give it up and try another girl.
It’s about God with us and giving glory to God.
That’s not what the song says.  It’s got something to do with a day old excel spreadsheet.  It was Greek to me.
Actually it was Latin and it means Glory to God in the highest!  In Excelsis Deo. 
Yeah, that’s it.  That day old excel spreadsheet stuff.
Let me try to explain.
I would rather that you didn’t.
Why?
Because I don’t want to listen to you explain why virgins are round.  Pregnant women, yeah, but…
What!
Round yon virgin, mother and child…
How about we go to church together this Sunday and I will explain things as we go.  Would you give it another try?
Sure.
Really?
You betcha.  Not because I think I will understand it any better, but there is a girl that I’ve got to meet.
Who?
Mary Didjano.  The way everyone was singing about Mary did ja know, I’ve got to meet her.
I’ve got my work cut out for me here.
You have no idea.  I haven’t even gotten to the part where they don’t’ even find out the name of the kid before they write the song.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Neither did anyone else.  They just kept singing What child is this?  It was like a song about the first day of school.
OK.  I give up.  Christmas is about presents.  You win.
Really?
Sort of.  Christmas is about a really big present that God gave us when he came into the world as a baby named Jesus.  Hang with me next Sunday and I will make sure you understand everything.
Yeah OK, as long as you introduce me to Mary Didjano.
We have to get there early though.
Why?
We don’t’ want that herd of Angels to get all the good parking spots do we?
Exit.

The end.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Christmas Psalm of the Disconnected...and those sent to call them home

Another disconnected number,
Another voice mail not set up.
Never see the folks at worship,
Did they really need this stuff?



People took their hard earned money,
And were generous beyond belief,
Just to see the food and presents go unclaimed,
When many prayed they’d bring relief.

But let’s not be too hasty,
Let compassion and mercy reign.
Not everyone can remember,
How to get back to the church again.

Even if they remember
Or just take a gander or a guess,
They still have to go through those doors,
Why can’t they send it UPS?


I don’t want to go in that building
If brings on a different sort of pain
The people are ever so friendly,
But keep calling on the Name.

Yes, it’s the name of Jesus
And they call him all the time
I know that I should follow him
But I’m still looking for a sign.

Those people who follow Jesus
They also call him Lord,
Though they preach forgiveness and love,
It seems Jesus brought a sword.

It’s one that severs with both edges
It divides muscle, heart, and soul.
And if I don’t outrun it,
I will soon lose all control.


And be forced to face up to my life,
As I’ve never done before.
But if I can get my stuff and get gone,
I will go flying out that door.

Back to the land of comfort,
Keeping a safe distance from God.
But the people just keep on coming,
Now look where the saints have trod.

They have come even to my door step
Good news and tidings they must bring.
But I just want to be left alone,
Please don’t let them sing.

About a babe born in a manger,
And no crib for this King’s bed.
Please just let them go to the next house.
And I’ll go slip off in to bed.

For Christmas is about Santa,
And not some tale of old.
Christmas brings visions of video games,
They are the new silver and gold.


But these people keep on calling,
They just won’t go away,
They say that are called to bring good news
About this coming Christmas Day.

I am so not ready to talk about God you see,
I must put this elf upon the shelf.
Besides these people will just tell me,
That life is more than living for myself.

If I can just get the food and presents
Without having to listen to their spiel;
Then I will have a holly jolly Christmas,
I mean really, what could their words reveal?

It is the same old story,
That my parents used to tell,
About a God of glory, and
A love they knew so well.

But I’m on my own and doing fine,
Well except for the bills and rent.
But I’m not ready for the story
Of God with us in his first advent.

It is the story of the ages
Told in this modern century.
So many people living without God,
Despite the saints bringing news to set them free.

So where does that leave the commissioned,
Who have heard no time and time before.
Why the same place that they started,
Bringing good news to every door.

So we wish you a Merry Christmas
And the best in the New Year.
Our prayers are always with you,
That God grants you ears to hear.

Merry Christmas!

Believe the Good News!


Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Short Skits: Thanksgiving Mouse

Thanksgiving Mouse

Cast:  1 person—adult or youth—who does not mind scurrying around on the stage.

Equipment:  Wireless microphone.  Costume optional



Hello,  It’s me again.  Your friendly neighborhood church mouse.  Looks like most of the crowd has wandered out.  You wouldn’t believe what people say in these pews when they don’t know I’m listening.

I don’t know what health insurance is, but I am glad I don’t have any.  I mean, what are they going to do if my leg get’s caught in a trap?  Send for an ambulance?  I think that costs extra any way.  In any case, people sure do complain a lot about it.  I don’t have it.  I don’t complain.  I am glad just to live indoors.

Wow!   [Scurries to a spot on the stage].  O Boy, O boy, O boy.  One of the kids dropped a piece of candy.  [Puts into mouth].  Mmmmm.  Peanut butter cups, my favorite.

And the election.  Boy that was something.  You would think that the end of the world was coming.  Can you believe it?  People get to vote for who they want to lead and they complain about the choices.  I can’t vote and I don’t complain about it. I’m just glad to get out of the cold.

Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!  [Moves to another spot on the stage].  Goldfish.  I love Goldfish, especially the colored ones.  Yum, yum, yum.

And the weather, really, these people complain about the weather.  It’s too hot or too cold.  The wind blows too much or too little or out of the wrong direction or the rain comes at the wrong time or the snow drifted in front of the doorway.  Man, I am just glad to be alive to enjoy whatever the weather is.  This is a pretty good life, hot or cold.

OMG!  Can it be?  [Moves carefully to another spot on the stage].  PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSING FLOW…   Yes, it’s a piece of a cheese cracker.  It’s a little dry but when you are a mouse, any cheese is good cheese—well except when they put it in the middle of a sticky trap.  At least with the old style lever traps it was over in an instant, but not with these new sticky jobs.  It’s rodent crucifixion, that’s what it is.  But you won’t catch me complaining.  I am too wise for that sort of temptation.  I am thankful for what is provided—crackers, crumbs, or candy—I am thankful to have it.

You should have heard the people complaining about property taxes a few minutes ago.  I can’t imagine owning my own house.  I just find places to hide in them.  It seems like paying taxes because you own a whole big house would be something exciting.

Now what is that over there?  Oh, it’s money.  I don’t think I can use this, except to chew it up and insulate my nest for the winter.  I think I will drop it into the offering plate.  I think these people need it more than I do.  I mean, they are always complaining about not having enough of it.

Complain, complain, complain.  I guess that is what human life is all about.

What’s that you ask?

Oh, today’s message, it was about thanksgiving.  Good stuff, you know.  I think it must rank right up there somewhere behind complaining.

I know that I am thankful.  Thanksgiving means big meals and lots of food dropped on the floor.  I am not just a church mouse.  I am a thankful mouse.

[Exit stage singing]

Give thanks with a grateful heart, give thanks to the holy one, gives thanks because he’s given Jesus Christ his Son…


--The End.

Sunday, November 20, 2016

Paradoxymoron

We know the term oxymoron.  We know the term paradox, but could there be such a thing as a paradoxymoron.  I say yes, and hereby present the term for public usage.

A paradoxymoron is a truth revealed in an oxymoron.  Here is the example that led me to coin the term:  Living Sacrifice.  The Apostle Paul used the term in an extended pericope about discipleship.  At first, it seems like a simple oxymoron.  Other than the scapegoat, Old Testament sacrifices did not get to live.  So how can you be a living sacrifice?


Here is the paradox.  Only in giving your life fully to God can we realize the Abundant Life that Jesus talked about in John’s gospel.  Only by sacrificing all that we are can we become all that we were made to be.

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Are we ready to turn back to God?



God Bless America

JESUSAVES

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14


Who is ready for this?

Are we ready to turn back to God?



JESUSAVES
God Bless America

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14


Who is ready for this?