Tom with kids in Kuwait

Tom with kids in Kuwait
Tom with kids in Kuwait

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Herd of Angels

Herd of Angels

Cast:  2 men
Set:  Can be just about any place for casual conversation or can be set as a Sonic Drive-in commercial spoof with both sitting as in a car at the drive in.  The drive-in set permits cast member to conceal script notes on a makeshift dashboard.

For the drive-in spoof version, use these two additional lines:

Man 1   [Reaching into Man 2’s Sonic bag]:  These buy one get one wings are really great!  Especially the free part.
Man 2  Everything seems to be free for you every day.

You know how you told me that Christmas was not all about presents?
Understanding Christmas being all about presents was easier than what you church people are selling.
Take that herd of Angels.
What herd of Angels?
Angels, we have a herd on high.  And they are singing sweetly over the plains as well.  A singing herd of angels, yeah right.
That’s not exactly…
Oh if that was all, then I would have thought nothing of it, but you guys promote lying.
We surely do not!
That little town of Bethlehem.  How still we see you lie!  It is 2016 and they are still singing about their lying.
You don’t understand the grammar and syntax of the verse.
Sin Tax!  I knew it.  They are just after your money.  But putting a tariff on transgressions, that takes the cake.
Can we get back to Christmas?
I don’t know why.  Emanuel and Gloria seem to have monopolized the whole business.  I don’t know who Gloria is, but if she doesn’t’ answer after the first 3 or 4 times you sing out her name, she is not going out with you so just give it up and try another girl.
It’s about God with us and giving glory to God.
That’s not what the song says.  It’s got something to do with a day old excel spreadsheet.  It was Greek to me.
Actually it was Latin and it means Glory to God in the highest!  In Excelsis Deo. 
Yeah, that’s it.  That day old excel spreadsheet stuff.
Let me try to explain.
I would rather that you didn’t.
Because I don’t want to listen to you explain why virgins are round.  Pregnant women, yeah, but…
Round yon virgin, mother and child…
How about we go to church together this Sunday and I will explain things as we go.  Would you give it another try?
You betcha.  Not because I think I will understand it any better, but there is a girl that I’ve got to meet.
Mary Didjano.  The way everyone was singing about Mary did ja know, I’ve got to meet her.
I’ve got my work cut out for me here.
You have no idea.  I haven’t even gotten to the part where they don’t’ even find out the name of the kid before they write the song.
I have no idea what you are talking about.
Neither did anyone else.  They just kept singing What child is this?  It was like a song about the first day of school.
OK.  I give up.  Christmas is about presents.  You win.
Sort of.  Christmas is about a really big present that God gave us when he came into the world as a baby named Jesus.  Hang with me next Sunday and I will make sure you understand everything.
Yeah OK, as long as you introduce me to Mary Didjano.
We have to get there early though.
We don’t’ want that herd of Angels to get all the good parking spots do we?

The end.

Monday, December 5, 2016

Christmas Psalm of the Disconnected...and those sent to call them home

Another disconnected number,
Another voice mail not set up.
Never see the folks at worship,
Did they really need this stuff?

People took their hard earned money,
And were generous beyond belief,
Just to see the food and presents go unclaimed,
When many prayed they’d bring relief.

But let’s not be too hasty,
Let compassion and mercy reign.
Not everyone can remember,
How to get back to the church again.

Even if they remember
Or just take a gander or a guess,
They still have to go through those doors,
Why can’t they send it UPS?

I don’t want to go in that building
It brings on a different sort of pain
The people are ever so friendly,
But keep calling on the Name.

Yes, it’s the name of Jesus
And they call him all the time
I know that I should follow him
But I’m still looking for a sign.

Those people who follow Jesus
They also call him Lord,
Though they preach forgiveness and love,
It seems Jesus brought a sword.

It’s one that severs with both edges
It divides muscle, heart, and soul.
And if I don’t outrun it,
I will soon lose all control.

And be forced to face up to my life,
As I’ve never done before.
But if I can get my stuff and get gone,
I will go flying out that door.

Back to the land of comfort,
Keeping a safe distance from God.
But the people just keep on coming,
Now look where the saints have trod.

They have come even to my door step
Good news and tidings they must bring.
But I just want to be left alone,
Please don’t let them sing.

About a babe born in a manger,
And no crib for this King’s bed.
Please just let them go to the next house.
And I’ll go slip off in to bed.

For Christmas is about Santa,
And not some tale of old.
Christmas brings visions of video games,
They are the new silver and gold.

But these people keep on calling,
They just won’t go away,
They say that are called to bring good news
About this coming Christmas Day.

I am so not ready to talk about God you see,
I must put this elf upon the shelf.
Besides these people will just tell me,
That life is more than living for myself.

If I can just get the food and presents
Without having to listen to their spiel;
Then I will have a holly jolly Christmas,
I mean really, what could their words reveal?

It is the same old story,
That my parents used to tell,
About a God of glory, and
A love they knew so well.

But I’m on my own and doing fine,
Well except for the bills and rent.
But I’m not ready for the story
Of God with us in his first advent.

It is the story of the ages
Told in this modern century.
So many people living without God,
Despite the saints bringing news to set them free.

So where does that leave the commissioned,
Who have heard no time and time before.
Why the same place that they started,
Bringing good news to every door.

So we wish you a Merry Christmas
And the best in the New Year.
Our prayers are always with you,
That God grants you ears to hear.

Merry Christmas!

Believe the Good News!